Let’s Talk About Norway

Let’s check the medal count:

Oh boy, we are not doing so hot. But Norway just dominating everyone. And what makes this even more impressive is that it’s not like the Netherlands dominating speed skating or Germany receiving most of their medals so far from Biathlon and Luge. Norway is spreading out their medals.

I just watched them win men’s team gold in Ski Jumping (way to go Robert Johannson, also someone at NBC snuck in a mustache ride joke…let’s see how long that one lasts) and the men’s 4x10km cross-country relay.

In that race, Johannes Høsflot Klæbo was the anchor leg and barely looked like he was trying half the time. There was a hill named after him on the course because he is known to crush people on uphills near the end of a race. That’s the kind of dominance they are executing in some of these events.

So let’s take a look at the culture and geography of Norway and see if we can find any clues to their success:

Fjords: a long, narrow, deep inlet of the sea between high cliffs highly common in Norway. Just look at that. Isn’t it beautiful? Imagine having that in your backyard. Wouldn’t you feel super peaceful? Maybe have some inner peace going on?

Which we learned from Kung Fu Panda is the secret to Kung Fu and I imagine is important in things like Ski Jumping and shooting in biathlon. So that’s one plus for them. But do you know what doesn’t bring inner peace?

Trolls. I know there have been some very troll-positive movies recently (Trolls & Frozen) but let’s look at the historical trolls. A troll is a class of being in Norse mythology and Scandinavian folklore. In Old Norse sources, beings described as trolls dwell in isolated rocks, mountains, or caves, live together in small family units, and are rarely helpful to human beings. They aren’t always promoting being yourself to find love and can be dangerous to humans sometimes. And look at the events Norway is winning, perfect sports to escape or combat invading trolls. So ancient people in Norway needed to learn how to keep themselves safe leading to the development of the….

Viking Culture. The athletes from Norway are able to channel centuries of Viking mentality of no fear, winning at any cost and dominating their opponents. Imagine being a direct descendant of Eric Bloodaxe, Sweyn Forkbeard or Bjorn Ironside. There’s probably some sort of secret handshake that activates their viking superpowers. But they’ve learned to channel the bloodlust into goldlust.

So there you have it. My speculation on why Norway is doing so well. I’m not exactly sure how we can channel some of their techniques (look at the Grand Canyon a lot and start a war with Bigfoot?) but maybe the US athletes should start hanging out with them a bit more. They could at least get some free eggs.