Based on almost no facts, headlines I saw on Instagram but didn’t verify and random things that I associate with France. None of these will come true, but if they do, someone owes me a beer/hummus.
Anastasia and Dmitri finally make it back to Paris and light the cauldron
The animated masterpiece Anastasia was actually a true story and Paris was the key to both of their hearts. Anastasia’s been traveling the world with Dmitri and at 120 years of age, they are ready to settle where they defeated a terrifying demon horse and solidified their love. Their contributions to public safety in Paris will be rewarded by having the honor of lighting the Olympic Cauldron to officially open the 2024 Games.
Drones help Zinedine Zidane headbutt a football over the Eiffel Tower
In a nod to his most talked about moment, Zidane will be on the ground and headbutt a soccer ball. With the power of drones and croissant magic, the ball will grow fifty times in size and slowly go over the top of the Eiffel Tower landing on the other side to none other than…the Olsen Twins reprising their roles from Passport to Paris. I will accept half drinks if a portion of this is correct. Zidane and drones have to make an appearance.
Someone poops in the Seine
I heard Parisians opposed to the Olympics used the river as a bathroom when the mayor was taking a publicized swim to show how clean it is. There is no way someone doesn’t continue that trend during the opening ceremony to get on TV as one of the boats goes by. My official guess is when the Italy boat gets announced.
Vikings will infiltrate the nautical parade of nations
Vikings invaded Paris via the Seine in 845 and again in 885-886. They heard Paris is using the river as the parade of nations instead of a traditional stadium and they are not happy. Vikings had become peaceful citizens over time and one of their biggest sources of joy was being the volunteers at Olympic Games who stand in the stadiums and clap for 4 hours and guide the athletes. Paris poked the bear by taking away that opportunity and now the Vikings will repeat history by infiltrating tonight’s ceremony on a boat and re-invade Paris.
A US Men’s Rugby Player Falls Off the Boat
The US Men’s Rugby team has done their duty for the Stars and Stripes so they are in full party mode. They are doing a wine and cheese tour right now but skipping lunch because they want to try as many types of Brie as possible. Someone will give them a basket of baguettes to eat while they get dressed for tonight’s ceremony but it will go untouched in favor of more wine. This will lead to someone leaning over the edge a little too far and falling into the river, hopefully not near the third prediction. Good news, he’ll be fine and get rescued by the French boat that will be right behind them. A French water polo player will comfort him and they’ll fall in love.
I just found out that I’m terrible at escape rooms so fingers crossed one of these comes true and I actually have psychic powers instead.
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