Get ready for some gifs….

USA Men’s Hockey defeating Slovakia 5-1 and heading into the Quarterfinals

Shib Sibs taking bronze in ice dancing.

The half-pipe skier that opted out of doing any tricks….

Men’s 2 Man Bobsled not getting close to any medals but still having hope for 4 Man

But the Canadian team that tied for gold….

US Men’s Curling starting a redemption story by defeating top teams Canada & Switzerland

And last but definitely not least, Brita Sigourney winning Bronze in freeski halfpipe

(I just discovered this ostrich and will probably use it at least 4 more times before these games are over…just warning you now)

Let’s check the medal count:

Oh boy, we are not doing so hot. But Norway just dominating everyone. And what makes this even more impressive is that it’s not like the Netherlands dominating speed skating or Germany receiving most of their medals so far from Biathlon and Luge. Norway is spreading out their medals.

I just watched them win men’s team gold in Ski Jumping (way to go Robert Johannson, also someone at NBC snuck in a mustache ride joke…let’s see how long that one lasts) and the men’s 4x10km cross-country relay.

In that race, Johannes Høsflot Klæbo was the anchor leg and barely looked like he was trying half the time. There was a hill named after him on the course because he is known to crush people on uphills near the end of a race. That’s the kind of dominance they are executing in some of these events.

So let’s take a look at the culture and geography of Norway and see if we can find any clues to their success:

Fjords: a long, narrow, deep inlet of the sea between high cliffs highly common in Norway. Just look at that. Isn’t it beautiful? Imagine having that in your backyard. Wouldn’t you feel super peaceful? Maybe have some inner peace going on?

Which we learned from Kung Fu Panda is the secret to Kung Fu and I imagine is important in things like Ski Jumping and shooting in biathlon. So that’s one plus for them. But do you know what doesn’t bring inner peace?

Trolls. I know there have been some very troll-positive movies recently (Trolls & Frozen) but let’s look at the historical trolls. A troll is a class of being in Norse mythology and Scandinavian folklore. In Old Norse sources, beings described as trolls dwell in isolated rocks, mountains, or caves, live together in small family units, and are rarely helpful to human beings. They aren’t always promoting being yourself to find love and can be dangerous to humans sometimes. And look at the events Norway is winning, perfect sports to escape or combat invading trolls. So ancient people in Norway needed to learn how to keep themselves safe leading to the development of the….

Viking Culture. The athletes from Norway are able to channel centuries of Viking mentality of no fear, winning at any cost and dominating their opponents. Imagine being a direct descendant of Eric Bloodaxe, Sweyn Forkbeard or Bjorn Ironside. There’s probably some sort of secret handshake that activates their viking superpowers. But they’ve learned to channel the bloodlust into goldlust.

So there you have it. My speculation on why Norway is doing so well. I’m not exactly sure how we can channel some of their techniques (look at the Grand Canyon a lot and start a war with Bigfoot?) but maybe the US athletes should start hanging out with them a bit more. They could at least get some free eggs.

Our favorite unofficial correspondent is back on the scene at the Olympics. Let’s see some of her activities:

On Russian Curling Doping:

She’s obvi hanging out with Tara & Johnny

On the US Women’s hockey team:

Pointing out that people ran out of teddy bears to throw:

And enjoying local culture:

Also Nick Kroll was at the opening ceremonies doing some sort of art project…I have no idea. Sounds contemporary.

To loop back to this event, we’ve got two important things that happened.

Nick Goepper won silver. He won silver in Sochi and threw down an amazing final run to win the silver medal in Pyeongchang. Especially since in these Olympic games every medal counts for our total.

Gus Kenworthy Competed as himself. He did not have the finals performance he wanted and was unable to put together a full run. Who knows how much his injuries had to do with it. I’m sure the pressure also didn’t help. But for me at least, him casually kissing his boyfriend afterward on camera was the biggest takeaway. Adam Rippon is having an important moment but what 12-year old Royer probably could have used watching Nagano in 1998 was probably more of what a happy relationship could look like:

But enough of the feelings, Bobsled is on. Back to dudes in spandex.

Remember when I casually wrote “how would you even dope in curling?” Welp, one of my favorite Russian athletes just got accused of it. Alexander Krushelnitsky, the bronze medal pairs curler, failed his A-sample drug test with Meldonium. There are already rumors of it being sabotage which I guess could be true since how dumb would you have to be to try to dope at these Olympics as a Russian athlete? I really hope Anastasia didn’t know about this. I rooted for you both. Please don’t disappoint me.

 

Not going to lie, the chances of me not falling asleep are ridiculously low. Just throwing that out now. And I know I missed all of yesterday primetime coverage, I’ll catch up on the good stuff eventually.

2 Man Bobsled

Is anyone else thinking how can a huge bobsled go down the same course as the luge/skeleton? They could barely stay away from the walls, how are they going to do it in a bobsled?

Not a great start for the USA. Hopefully, they can fix those mistakes they made in the first turn by the next run.

Not much changed from the first run to the second run. Justin Olsen and Evan Weinstock are sitting in 12th and the only team that could potentially be in the mix for the medals but that would also take a small miracle. If anything, this is more practice runs for the drivers to prep for 4 man.

Oh, and the team in first place crashed at the finish line:

Women’s Speedskating 500

Erin Jackson just casually picking up speed skating and going to the Olympics. NBD. I would fall so quickly if I tried to do this sprint.

And why do the uniforms have a different color patch in the upper thighs? I understand that might be a different fabric for chaffing or cooling purposes but don’t make it a different color. It’s just weird.

I really wanted the Korean skater to win to see that stadium erupt but Japan earned that win.

Heather Bergsma and Brittany Bowe tried to end the medal drought in short track but came up a little short.

 

 

Snowboard Big Air

I know there is some strategy going on to get a safety first score but is anyone else a little underwhelmed by their jumps? I feel like this is more medium air.

Ok, it ramped up a bit. I think I’m more shocked by how little space they have to actually stop by the bottom of the hill.

Anna Gasser is sitting in first and 3 Americans including Jamie Anderson qualified.

Ice Dancing Short Program

I definitely didn’t stay up for this so quick summary: Tess Virtue and Scott Moir crushed it, world record, basically have the gold medal in their back pocket already.

US has 3 teams in the top 7 meaning they are all conceivably in the medals game right now. It’s going to be a great final.

 

 

Shortly after I wrote about how we needed to collectively step it up, John-Henry Krueger did! He broke the speed skating drought with a silver medal in the short track 1,000 meters. It was a crazy race as three of the five crashed in the second to last lap leaving it wide open for Krueger to take the silver behind Canadien Samuel Girard.

 

We’ve got USA v. OAR. First hockey game I’m watching these games. Let’s do this.

So this is the last game before elimination begins. It’s part of the group play to determine seeding moving forward. We are currently sitting first in the group with 1 win and 1 overtime loss for 4 points. Slovakia and OAR are sitting second with 3 points and Slovenia is last with 2 points. A win would guarantee a direct spot in the quarterfinals, otherwise it gets a little tricky but means we would most likely have to play an extra game in the elimination qualifiers so let’s just make this easy and get a clear win!

13 minutes left in the first period and not much to report so far. It’s definitely getting a little heated between the players as they probably discuss lingering effects of the cold war and if vodka or whiskey is better.

0-1. Russia strikes first. A little bit of sloppy defense lead to an opportunity for Russia that they took advantage of. It’s ok though. Still a lot of hockey left to play.

Our inability to do anything with that powerplay is not the best sign for how we are playing tonight.

Random but interesting facts about our players: Defensemen Noah Welch is a local from Brighton, MA. He is donating his brain to concussion research after his death.

Quote of the game so far: “he doesn’t look like he’s left the cheesburger phase of being a teenager yet”

Finished the first period 0-1 and OAR will get a power play to start the 2nd period. Things could be better….

But we did just win a silver medal in men’s short track 1,000, thanks John-Henry Krueger. Someone please tell the boys in the locker room to give them a little boost!

Just saw some of the cheering sections. Strong game by Russia with some traditional facepainting:

But oh shit, who is that cheering for the USA? Is that George Washington and Ruth Bader Ginsburg waving a flag. Game’s over. You can’t beat that.

0-2. They must have left momentarily to get a snack because Russia just scored again (they are actually heavily favored to win the gold, not giving excuses just stating some facts).

If you want to read something instead of watching the US blow another power play opportunity here is a fun article about Chris Borque who is part of the only father-son hockey Olympians to play for different countries.

0-3 with .2 seconds left in the 2nd period. That’s not going to be easy to come back from mentally.

0-4 to start the 3rd period. Ilya Kovulchuk (I don’t know if that is spelled correctly and I don’t care) is the new enemy number 1 for US hockey.

Not our best showing and now we wait for the Slovenia/Slovakia overtime to end to figure out our next step.

(because I think that is actually their largest land animal, or maybe some cattle, it’s not an easy answer to find)

I woke up this morning after falling asleep watching ice skating (sorry Adam Rippon, have to watch you on replay) to check the medal count and this is what I saw:

Something seems to be missing right? I had to scroll a bit to find it.

We haven’t won a medal for a couple days and are currently sitting in 8th. The positive side is that we’ve got 5 golds (4th highest count there). And everyone was saying that Germany and Norway were going to be able to add the most medals to their overall count because of the Russian ban and it would most likely be the US and Canada battling it out for third.

But I think we’ve overall taken a bit of a turn and are in a bit of trouble. We’ve seen some big names not medal in the past two days that many people thought were given. There have also been some events in speed skating, skeleton and skiing where a US athlete has done well at international competitions this year and there was hope they could pull off a miracle. But none of these things have been happening.

Looking at the events over the next two days I’m not exactly sure what our chances of turning things around a bit are but let’s all throw some good vibes over to Pyeongchang and see if we can’t move back higher up the medal count. And also push all the little ones in our life to get really good at cross country skiing and speed skating. You might think that football or basketball is the sport to find the fame, money and booty but have you heard about the skiathlon?

 

I’m sitting on my couch eating a corn dog because I feel like that is super American and I’m trying to do my part to actually win some medals today since yesterday was not great.

Freestyle Skiing: Women’s Aerials

I’m not going to lie, I did not remember this was an actual sport but I’m enjoying it so far. These are some rough crashes though. But ok Hanna Huskova bringing home Belarus’s first medal of these games. And it’s a gold!

 

 

Freestyle Skiing: Women’s Slopestyle

How are they going off all these ramps backwards and also landing jumps backwards? They are half my age and I can’t even recite the alphabet backwards.

Darian Stevens maybe shouldn’t have french fried on the rail but question, do you have to grind a rail (is that the right terminology? I haven’t played Tony Hawk for a decade)? Can you still get a good score while avoiding the rails?

Women’s Downhill

It might be the glass of wine but that Lindsey Vonn clip….keep it together Royer. But she didn’t medal. And it’s really sad to wake up to articles talking about the hate tweets she is getting. I’m not going to dive into politics but will just try to make sure I keep this blog far away from the unfortunate online trolling trend that has become the norm.

Men’s Free Skate

Nathan Chen, forget all the other performances and do it for your country.

2 jumps in and so far, so good. Third wasn’t great but four and five were spectacular. He’s going for 6. And he did it. It took a little while but he got into his groove at the games and this was fantastic. Absolutely destroyed the competition with 215 points. He’s young, he should be back for another games. And hopefully he comes back with a vengeance. Imagine that free skate combined with a good short program.