• Where do they find the children to be the “snowflake kids”? Are they high ranking officials kids? The kids with the highest grades in Beijing? Either way I’m assuming they were pulled out of school for at least a month to practice 12 hours a day to make it perfect as possible.

• Do you think Elena Meyers Taylor was excited to be next to the oiled up shirtless guy or was more thinking “some of us won multiple medals and aren’t here for thirst tweets so…please don’t get body grease on my jacket, and if your toes fall off from frostbite (or your wiener) please keep that away from me as well”.

• I’m laughing out loud at the announcer and all the dancers trying to get the athletes to take their seats and making almost no progress. Good to know if I have to interview to become one of them, I’ll be sure to highlight my crowd control experience. “Yes, I’m very good at waving my hands in a non threatening way and bounching towards drunk athletes to get them to gradually make their way to their seats.”

• Was the mayor of Beijing supposed to stand ridiculously far away? Did he just want to have a dramatic hand-off of the flag? I kind of hope he’s one of those people that actually loves social distancing and is using COVID as an excuse to skip social functions and watercooler talk at work.

• The two kids hugging the globe…no way they aren’t going to get bullied for that. I wish they went rogue and started battling with the ball for who could get it to one side of the arena first. Start a little friendly rivalry between Milan and Cortina.

• Overall, solid closing games. They are usually much tamer and boring than the opening ceremonies and they definitely didn’t break the mold with this one.

This has surpassed doping to many more issues within figure skating, the treatment of minors in sport, the International Olympic Committee, the Olympics in general and of course, Russia’s approach to athletes and sports.

And no one is winning here. In fact, everyone is losing very badly at a time when no one can afford to.

I’m not going to pretend I have any enlightened ideas on how to fix any of the problems. I do think the IOC needs to fully accept Russia has no intentions of changing and make some decisions to help save the integrity of the games.

Because I do worry the games are in trouble overall. Viewership is way down and fewer cities and countries, that aren’t trying to use the games for propaganda, are even expressing interest in hosting. The biggest news stories from the Olympics can’t be about child abuse, doping and human rights if there is any hope of keeping this amazing tradition alive.

Having two COVID games within the same 12 months, both in an opposite time zone is rough and probably negatively influences the public perception of the Olympics more than we even realize. But I’m still optimistic that Paris in 2024 can be a bit of a reset for the Olympics.

Let’s make the focus of the games about the world coming together to celebrate the best athletes competing for glory and inspiring people of all ages to get out there and find their athletic passion, whether it’s a 34-year-old guy in Boston joining a curling league or a 4-year-old girl seeing Erin Jackson and realizing the winter Olympics can also be for her.

Also, scrapbooking, the games should always involve some form of scrapbooking.

I’ve tried to keep up with posting about all the US medalists but there are just sooo many it’s sometimes hard to keep up, a good problem to have I guess. So anyone that I haven’t devoted any/enough time to before will now get a haiku.

Megan Nick, Third Place

Aerials, Twisting All Day

Flipped Into Our Hearts

Madison Hubbell

Zach Donohoue, Ice Dance Bronze

Names Long, Fierce Fashion

Brittany Bowe, Skate Fast

Heart of Gold, Bronze in Thousand

Helped EJ Win Gold

Men’s Team Pursuit Bronze

Pushed Those Big Booties For Bling

Thunder Thighs For Days

The US Men are facing Great Britain in the Semifinals RIGHT NOW. During round robin play Great Britain ended 8-1 and we barely finished fourth with a record of 5-4. We need some John Shuster magic circa 2018 to really kick in right now. We are up 4-3 after 4 ends. A lot of curling left but Do Your Thang USA Curling.

Update: End of the 7th, USA trailing 4-5 but they have hammer in the 8th

This has been a very close and exciting match. Lots of aggressive sweeping. There are also some people in the stands getting ROWDY. I need to start learning some Curling Cheers. Since the arena is almost empty and both semifinals are happening at once I think the twenty people in the stands are taking polite turns cheering on their country. It’s peak curling.

Update: We Lost. It was a great match but we couldn’t pull the upset. On to the Bronze Medal Match tomorrow at 1:00am because who needs sleep?

This is Jules Burnotte from Sherbrooke, Quebec.

Obviously, the hair is large and in charge.

Do you need a hint? He’s 6’5 and is competing in 5 separate events during these Olympics.

Last chance & hint. Canada has only won 3 medals EVER in the sport that he competes in.

It’s BIATHLON. The perfect event to put those luscious locks into a ponytail and control it with a headband.

Canada has surprisingly only won 3 medals in Biathlon, all by Myriam Bedard in 1992 and 1994. Jules was part of the Men’s 4×7.5KM Relay yesterday that placed 6th, the highest ever placing by the Canadien Men. Congrats Jules and thanks for playing another round of GUESS THE EVENT BY HAIR.

I’ve been a very bad hockey fan. Just like Joey Mantia got cocky in skipping the semifinals, I got cocky and thought I could wait longer and fully devote some time to the Men’s Hockey Team after last night’s game, which seemed like a safe bet based on how well we were playing in pool play.

But…I was wrong and I feel bad because I was fully passed out in front of the tv as they heartbreakingly lost in a shootout. I woke up for a hot second in the 3rd period and thought we had it in the bag so just closed my eyes again.

So tonight, I’m going to attempt to stay awake for the Women’s Gold Medal Game and live blog it for accountability. I’ll put myself in the penalty box until then.

CONFESSION #2: There is almost zero chance I stay awake the whole time since 11pm – 2am is the only time of day I can actually sleep deeply. If this game was at 4:00am I would be wide awake and stoked.

THURSDAY MORNING UPDATE

I fell asleep. Missed most of the game. USA lost. I’ll take the blame. This is one of those Olympic situations where Silver is not going to make these games fulfilling for any of the athletes on the Women’s team. They wanted to repeat Gold and they definitely have the talent, just couldn’t bring it all together in the gold medal game.

One thing is for sure, the rivalry is stronger than ever and I’m sure the Women’s team will be coming back in 2026 with a stronger desire than ever to bring home the gold.

We’ve now got 2 Gold & Silver Duos for the United States and their sports both have a lot of fun new vocabulary to learn!

Alex Hall & Nick Goepper

Freestyle Skiing: Men’s Slopestyle

The Pretzel: When you are spinning in the air in one direction and reverse direction at the very end. This is what Alex Hall did to win gold. Watch Here. I’m honestly not sure how this is possible, especially with skis on. I can barely go from fast to slow while running.

Nose Butter: The announcers keep throwing out this word with no explanation and I finally had to google it. Here’s a full video but it’s basically when you put pressure in the “nose” of the skis, the front, and lift the middle and back of the skis off the ground and do a 180? I think at least. Someone might need to correct me on that.

Cannon: A rail or box extending off a jump at an upward angle. So it’s like they are getting shot out of a cannon and have more airtime for extra tricks. I think parts of the Great Wall snow recreations might technically be a cannon on this course. Or I’m just making that assumption in my head because the Great Wall probably had cannons at one point. It at least did when Matt Damon fought aliens from it….

Kaillie Humphries & Elana Meyers Taylor

Bosled: Monobob

Monobob: Starting with the most obvious word needing a definition. The Monobob is a bobsled for a single person. The driver has to push, steer and brake all themselves. I’m very confused why female athletes only get to compete in Monobob and Two-Person while male athletes do two-person and four-person. It’s like a weird form of sexism where they don’t think women should be going too fast in a four-person sled but also totally fine with making them do it all by themselves in the monobob. Let’s just let everyone do it with as many or as few people as they want.

Chicane: A sequence of tight serpentine curves. We all know who could have survived Game of Thrones if he only knew how to serpentine a bit….

Kreisel: German for circle; a curve that forms a circle by having the track cross itself. There are apparently only 7 active courses in the world that have one of these so it’s pretty exciting we get to see it in action. Maybe this is where they should make the Luge relay folks actually high-five each other.