She just won gold in the women’s speed skating 500 meters. We’ve been struggling in speed skating in general, she almost didn’t even make it to the games but now she’s fulfilling her dream of inspiring a new generation of speed skaters as the first Black woman to win an Olympic gold medal in the sport and the first US woman to win a gold for decades.

You would think there isn’t much you can do to revolutionize a sport that is going in a circle but apparently, we found it? The team pursuit event involves 3 skaters from each country trying to get across the finish line as quickly as possible.

Traditionally, teams will rotate who is in the front. When the person leading, taking the brunt of the wind, gets tired they fall to the back of the group. The US finished last in 2018 and looked towards one of the most inspiring forces of nature to figure out how to not suck as much.

THE MIGHTY DUCKS. Well, bird flight patterns that inspired Coach Gordon Bombay as well.

The US speed skating think tank realized the amount of time teams take transitioning the leader is incredibly inefficient for wind dynamics and maybe there should be just 1 leader the entire race. And boy howdy has it been working well. They dropped 4 seconds off their best time ever and have the world record.

What helps make this successful is the two dudes behind the leader can physically push/support the guy in front. It’s not the crazy pushes you see in short track but enough for the leader to be able to maintain a pace they wouldn’t ever be able to do on their own. Joey Mantia and his tree-trunk thunder thighs are usually the lead for Team USA and I have no clue how anyone is capable of keeping up with him…or not scared/smitten if he was right behind you pushing you to go faster.

So there you have it, some speed skating KNOWLEDGE you can share with others, and be sure to tune in on February 15 around 2:30am for their next round. Because sleep doesn’t matter during the Olympics.

The US men are playing Canada right now, we are not having a great start. Both US and Canada are 2-2 so it’s a very important match for both teams in terms of their chances of getting into the medal rounds. The announcers just called it a “trainwreck” of a second end for John Schuster. So instead of fretting too much about what’s happening in this match, I’m going to show some pictures of some of the teams and say what type of role they could collectively get in the entertainment industry as extras.

Sweden – Doctors in a medical drama where everyone is a little too good looking to be realistic.

These are the cocky doctors, or maybe surgeons, that are a bit of a foil to the protagonist of the story. They are only by the books and can’t wait to clock out and go to the bar and tell people they are doctors while the protagonist of the story is still at work getting to know the patients and helping them overcome medical challenges, and also life challenges because they go the extra mile. Maybe the show is called CardioRx: Prescriptions for the Heart and it’s basically Chicken Soup for the Soul in tv show form.

Russia – Deatheaters in a Harry Potter Movie

Dude in the middle is clearly in the Malfoy family tree and the dude on the far left probably thinks the unforgivable curses should be taught alongside the ABCs. All of the teams have their arms crossed but they somehow figured out how to do it extra menacingly. Maybe they are the founders of Durmstrang Academy in a prequel that shows how all the schools of magic were formed? I would watch that.

USA – Commerical for a Men’s Health Product

Colin Hufman, on the far right, is really throwing me off here. He’s the alternate but just got subbed into the match and the USA just got 3 from a final amazing shot by John Shuster to stay in the game so I’m fully in support of him now. But as a group for the entertainment industry, I think their strength is how different they all look so they can appeal to lots of different people. They would be great in a commercial for some type of men’s product for guys in their 30s and 40s like erectile dysfunction pills, weight loss programs, a dating app for divorced guys or maybe hats that look good with any amount of hair you have left? Lots of possible product placements.

Great Britain – University Acapella Group

Their arm crosses and smiles/smirks seem to be more of a preparation to break out in a synchronized acapella version of a 90s boyband accompanied with very mild dance moves. They’re no One Direction but they make a good background group that is in a Pitch Perfect FreeForm tv show?

Italy – 2 MMA fighters, their 2 coaches and their crazy friend who is along for the ride

We’ve got 2 super tall dudes, 2 shorter dudes and the wild card on the far right. Do you know what that means? A montage of the hero of the story defeating two larger, more experienced opponents in his quest to win the money he needs to get his grandmother who raised him the surgery she needs to beat cancer and also rebuild her home for wayward children that suspiciously burned down the same time the hero of the story returned to his hometime after getting out of jail for a crime he clearly didn’t commit but he never talks about, maybe the wild card friend secretly had something to do with it? Obvi.

USA is still down 4-8 but has some momentum so let’s see if they can pull off some magic!

This is River Radamus. He was born February 12, 1998, in Colorado.

Have any guesses yet? Not that it will help you but he is known for crazy hair-dos to make sure he isn’t taking anything too seriously and is always having fun. Here’s another example:

Last Chance! A hint for you, he finished his first event at Beijing in 15th place in a time of 1:21.63.

DRUMROLL….ALPINE SKING. And his second event starts soon, Giant Slalom. Tune in at 9:15pm, River goes 16th to cheer him on.

Thanks for playing…this version of his hair is called “The Zebra”. I like that it’s a summer animal hair cut for the winter Olympics. PLOT TWIST.

UPDATE: Zebra Hair got a surprise 4th place! Just off the podium in a blizzardy race that saw 33 crashes. I hope he does giraffe for 2026 and gets a medal!

He’s out there crushing people into the back of elevators to assert dominance. Also, folks in China are turning their backs on Bing Dwen Dwen because it talked….and apparently, it’s an adult male voice and not the imaginary voices we had all individually made up in our heads. Probably the same as if Gritty started talking and it was actually a female child. I want Gritty to sound like a cross between Waluigi and Yoda.

But Summer Britcher (@summerbelle) is doing the right thing and appeasing Bing Dwen Dwen and even posted a separate time about how happy she was it joined her in the elevator.

The eye of Bing Dwen Dwen is always watching….I’m about to buy some Bing Dwen Dwen keychains myself. Let me know if you want in.

Emotional Last Olympic Moments of Shaun White

I wrote “Must Watch” at first but then realized this isn’t going to be for everyone. The below video is just raw video footage of Shaun White before, during and after his last Olympic snowboarding run, with no commentary or reporters involved. I’ve never followed snowboarding too closely but Shaun White/Flying Tomato is a name I’ve known forever and definitely the face of Olympic Snowboarding for me. I really wish he got a medal on this last run but watching the video I doubt he’s going to dwell on that individual moment too much.

YouTube Link Because NBC is Really Annoying and I can’t Embed the Video

He’s a Gold Medalist in my heart forever. And I’m fully aware that I’m writing this like the second he retires he’s going to be put on a boat out to sea and never be seen again, I’ll stop that now.

Thank you Shaun for being an inspirational Olympian for the last five Olympics. I can’t wait to see what you do next. And if you want to sail into the west and explore the world out of the spotlight, you’ve earned it. Go Off King.

Since there is a lot of bad news coming out of Beijing right now in general and for the US Team, I’m going to share something silly this morning instead. And you can find many more over at HuffPost.

It’s 7:35 on Thursday, February 10, and here is where everything stands before the live competition starts again in Beijing. Going back to my medal predictions, I think this is the first time all 5 of the countries predicted to be at the top are near the top. The Surprise country right now is Austria at the actual very top with 13 medals. They might just have a stronger first week of the Olympics based on the event schedule or maybe they are actually pulling a lot more medals than expected. Only time will tell.

The USA was taking its time to get in the top five, we weren’t even in the top ten for a while. We’ve had some surprise medals but probably even more disappointments. I’m definitely getting a little worried about my prediction of American athletes ending in fourth place.

I’m hoping the team as a whole hits a slightly higher gear heading into the weekend.

• SHAUN WHITE, get that last medal and go out on top like you deserve. Go Off King.
• MIKAELA SHIFFRIN, we all love you and support you. Get that gold. Go Off Queen.
• SUSAN DUNKLEE, you are doing the 7.5KM Sprint Biathlon. I know nothing about you or your chances but I believe in you. Go Off Queen.
• BEN OGDEN, you are doing the 15KM Individual Cross Country Ski and starting precisely at 2:00:30AM East Coast Time. I also believe in you if you have a precise watch. Go Off King.