Hopes, Dreams & Predictions

Instead of doing an in-depth prediction/analysis of each sport or the trials (because honestly, I didn’t watch all of them, my bad) I’m just going to throw out some random hopes, dreams and predictions for the games. And at the end, we’ll see how far off I actually was.

Hopes

-My boy Gus Kenworthy wins a gold medal.

–Nathan Chen not only lands all his quads, but actually invents the quint jump.

-Teenager Maame Biney has the race of her life and wins a bronze in the 500m short track speed skating.

-The lack of the NHL players combined with an “Olympic Athletes from Russia” team made up of mostly KHL players will create a bit of a 1980 vibe but allow some young fresh faces to start their careers in the spotlight on their way to a bronze medal.

-At least one ice skater will take full advantage of the new policy to skate to music with lyrics and wildcard Cardi B’s “Bodack Yellow”.

Dreams

-DalyNitro duo Steve Langton and John Daly both receive gold medals and celebrate by continuing DalyNitro (and maybe putting some PG-13 nudity in).

-The first ever mixed-doubles U.S.A. curling team of siblings Matt & Becca Hamilton from Wisconsin have a rocky start when Becca finds out that Matt did actually break her Ice Fishing Barbie back in second grade. But they recover and win a bronze.

-The Olympic Spirit of coming together with your fellow man for the goal of athletic peak performance starts to legitimately ease the tension between North Korea and the world (this one’s a legit dream, world peace y’all).

-Leather gloves that Sully from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman would wear will make a comeback after the opening ceremonies.

Predictions (you can hold me accountable on these)

-Mikaela Shiffrin and Lindsey Vonn combine for 4 medals including 2 golds.

-Biathlete Lowell Bailey will finish in the top 5 getting the best finish ever by an American in the sport but not receive that elusive medal.

-Women’s Hockey gold medal match is the U.S. and Canada in a highly competitive showdown that comes down to a single goal and the U.S. takes home the gold.

-Germany and Norway battle it out for the most medals (in the void of Russia) with Norway eventually sitting atop the medal count.

-The Netherlands will continue to dominate in speed skating and while they won’t match their 24 medals from 2014, they will win at least 18.

-2016 opening ceremony star Pita Taufatofua, who is now a cross-country skier, will manage to somehow take his shirt off during the winter Olympics to keep his reputation strong.

-Men’s Double Luge will continue to be a baffling sport.

Let the failed predictions begin!